Ihlombe
Ukuba ngani na ngani ohlukileyo ekukhuthaza ngayo ikhord (iqhina) — indlela yokuxhumana kwangomoya eyakukhuthaza kwakho ukuya kwakunye nomntu ongaziyo, yenze ukuxhatshazwa kwemozulu, yemozulu, kunye nophawu lokuziva phakathi kwakho. Ikhord ezilungileyo zibanceda, zilungiselela, zihambelane ngokulinganayo. Kodwa iikhord ezininzi zibe ngokungalunganga: iikhord eziluhlaza okanye eziluhluleka apho umoya wakho ukuphucula izidingo zomntu ongaziyo ngaphandle kokubuyisana, okanye ukuhlangana okungalunganga okukhuthaza ukuba uphazamiseke ngokuziva emva kokuba uhlulekile ukuba uhlale naye, okanye iikhord ezinika unxunguphalo, ukuphazamiseka, kunye nokusebenzisa okungalunganga ngokomoya ngomzuzu. Ezi iikhord azikho zibuyekezele ekupheleni kwehluleko. Ziqhubeka zikhona kwangomoya ngokwezizukulwane, ngoko ke ungakwazi ukuziva ukuba unxunguphalo ngomntu ongaziyo iminyaka emihlanu emva kokuphela, kwakunye nendlela apho ukhohlakalo lomzali lingakwazi ukuphazamisa wena kwiminyaka engu-45, kunye nendlela apho ukucotha ukuhlangana nomntu ongalunganga akunikezi ukunxulumana okulindelekileyo. Iiqhina ziqhubeka zikhuthaza umoya ngokwezizwe ezimbini, zikhuthaza ukuhlangana ngokomoya ngaphandle kokwazi. Ukucotha iqhina yindlela yokuzibophelela ekukhuthaza iikhord ezingalunganga ukuze ubukeke kwangomoya wakho njengomntu ohlukileyo, ohluleke ngokwakhe. Akuhluleki ukucula ingqondo okanye ukucula uthando — kususa indlela engenakukhuthaza ukuba umoya womntu ongaziyo uqhubekiselele kwisistimu yakho ngaphandle kokuvuma.
Izimpawu & Amaphepha
- Ukunxunguphala okungapheliyo ngomntu ongaziyo ekupheleni kwakho — ukukhumbula ngabo kuthatha unxunguphalo olungafani, ukukhathazeka, ukuhlangana, okanye ukuphazamiseka okungafani ngexesha, umgama, okanye ukucinga ngokulula
- Ukuba unxulunyaniswe ngomntu ongaziyo, ngakumbi xa uhlangana naye okanye xa uhlangana naye ngokukhawuleza — uqhubeke uhlala uphilile ngaphambi kokuba uhlangane naye, kodwa uphuma uphazamisekile, njengokuba iibhetri yakho zibuyekezeleke
- Ukungakwazi ukuhamba ekupheleni kwuhluleko ngaphandle kokuba uhlulekile ukwazi ngokulula — wenza i-therapy, waphuhlisa ukuphazamisa, uqonda ngokulula ukuba yintoni eyayidinga ukuphuma, kodwa okokuba kwenze okuthile kuyakukhuthaza ekubuyisela ekukhuthaza ngokomoya
- Ukufumana izinto, izimvo, okanye izimo zokuziva ezibizwa ngokwabo — ujonga ukuba uhlangana njengomntu ongaziyo, uhlangana njengomama wakho, okanye uhlangana nengxaki yomntu ongaziyo ngaphandle kokuba zibe yezakho
- Izimpawu zokuziva ezibonakala ngokukhuthaza ngani na ngani — iimpawu zokugula phambi kokuba uhlangane naye, ukugula okungaphakamileyo xa uhlangana naye, okanye ukuba unxunguphalo lomqala xa befunyanisa — zibonisa ukukhuthaza kwangomoya okungapheliyo ngokomqondo, kodwa okwenza umzimba uhlangazele.
Indlela Yokwelapha
Ukucotha iqhina kufuneka uqale ngokuzibona — ukuqonda ukuba iikhord ezithi zikhona, kunye nezithi zilungile okanye zingalunganga. Oku kufuneka kwenziwa ngokwahlukana ngoba iikhord ezingalunganga zibonwa njengokwabo ngomntu ohlangazelele; zibe yingxaki yomoya wakho okukhuthaza kwakho okukhuthaza kwakho, ngoko ke awukwazi ukubona uhlobo lwazo. Ukucotha iqhina ngokwakho kufuneka uqale ngokubonisa: ukuhlaba iqhina eyakukhuthaza nomntu ongaziyo, ukujonga ngokucacileyo, ukuyi cotha ngendlela engenakukhuthaza — ngezicathulo, isword, okanye isikhumba — ngexesha uhluleka ukuthi iikhord ezingalunganga kuphelisa. Ukucotha iqhina ngumntu oqeqeshelweyo ngumntu ohlangazeleleyo ohlangazelele ukubona iikhord ozibonayo, kwaye unokwazi ukuqinisekisa ukuba iqhina iyekeke ngokupheleleyo, kunye nokubuyisela umoya wakho emva kokucotha. Ukunakekelwa ngokwakho emva kokucotha kuyimfuyo: indawo apho iqhina iyekeke kufuneka ifakwe ngomoya wakho ukuze kwenzeke ukuba iqhina lingakho ukuhlangana nayo.
Ukufunda Okukhuthazwe
Umthandazi okanye umntu ohlangazeleleyo ngangomoya ngumntu ohlangazeleleyo ukuhlangazelela ukucotha iikhord ngoba unokubona iikhord ngokupheleleyo — indawo apho zikhona kwangomoya, iikhord apho zihlanganyela, ngubani ongaziyo, kunye nokuba iikhord ziluhlaza, zilungile okanye zingalunganga. Ixesha lokuhlolwa kwangomoya okanye ukucotha iqhina ngokwahlukana kufuneka kwenziwe ngokwahlukana, kwaye kufuneka kwenziwe ngokwahlukana. Umfundi unokwazi ukubabaza ukuba iikhord zithi zikhona kweli zwe okanye zikhona kwizwe ezimbiwe, okubandakanya ukuba iikhord ziluhlaza okanye zingalunganga, okubandakanya ukuba iikhord ziluhlaza okanye zingalunganga.